Children are constantly learning about everything. They are little learning machines, but that also means that they are not always equipped to deal with everything: mentally, physically or emotionally, that is tossed in their direction. This means that we may see what people call tantrums, meltdowns, or upset. Your child may display any of these for a variety of reasons, but knowing the reason doesn’t make it easier on you in the moment.
Whether your child’s emotions are tipping or have tipped, you yourself are likely to experience an emotional uptick. Maybe you’ve been through the exact scenario of your child not being able to put on their shoes by themselves and getting overly frustrated while not allowing your help every day, or maybe it’s the first time you’ve seen your child get upset about the noise in a particular place. Either way, high emotions for one person often rubs off on others.
So, what are some ways to help you keep your cool when your child can’t?
1. Recognise that your child is approaching, or they are in “red” territory. “Red” in the “Zones of Regulation” means out of control. It can be greatly beneficial to recognise the “red” zone, because it will help guide your next steps.
2. Mindfully approach the situation. Emotional regulation takes time to learn, so reminding yourself that this is a normal function of your child’s development will help you to be more patient.
3. Resolve your emotions. If you’re in the middle of “red” zone, you are probably anxious, nervous, and feeling a bit out of control yourself. First you should regulate your emotions before approaching your child. You can do this by using various breathing techniques to stimulate your vagus nerve which will help to calm your nervous system. Try square breathing or 10 deep breaths to diffuse the negative emotions you feel.
4. Lower your expectations. Now isn’t the time to be teaching. Take all of the expectations you have of your child and yourself off the table. Focus on just being with your child and how you can help them. The only way out is through!
Your child is going to mirror you emotionally, so if you can begin reflecting some calming energy, this will help your child to regulate too! We’d love to hear about your lived experiences. Which of these strategies seems to work best for you?
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