What Should I tell My Child's Sibling About Their Autism Identification?

We talk a lot about autistic children and what you can do to help them succeed, but what about their sibling? They probably notice differences in play, communication and even the rules that apply to them may be a bit different. Here are a few points to having the conversation about their brother or sister being autistic.

Before you have the conversation, does your autistic child know that they are autistic? Will they want this information shared? It could be a good idea to consider whether or not to have this conversation if it's not something that they or you would like others to know about just yet.

Now, getting down to the convo:

1. Dig for their understanding: ask what your neurotypical (NT) child already understands. Get a starting point for what they know by asking a background question or two, like: "have you heard of autism?" or "do you know anyone with autism in your class, what are they like?"

2. Connect this to your autistic child: using what they already know, try relating this back to your autistic child and confirming their autism diagnosis. "Oh so you notice that your friend likes to wiggle his hands around in front of his eyes. That's kind of like when your sister bounces up and down and flaps her hands. She has autism too."

3. The explanation: Talk about your child's diagnosis in language that the NT child can understand - don't go too hefty on explanations. Your typically developing child will ask questions, those are what you need to answer.

4. Q&A time: This will likely spark some questions. Take the time to clarify more here. Don't go too overboard. If your child stops asking questions, that's a good indicator that you can stop the conversation.

5. Talk about strengths: make sure the conversation is positive. There are so many upsides to autism, let your NT child know what some of the cool things their sibling can do are.

6. Have the conversation as many times as needed: this likely won't be a one-off for your NT child to understand the concept. This will be an ongoing formulation for them, so continue to talk about it with clarity.

After you have this conversation, it's a great idea to figure out ways that the 2 kids can have a relationship together. What activities do they both enjoy that will get the connection flowing easily? Are there some family ground rules that you need to add in? Tell us about some of your favourite shared experiences!